i am so sorry,,, for being so sensitive,,,, - Nurmujahidah

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Monday, April 16, 2012

i am so sorry,,, for being so sensitive,,,,

ASSAALAMUALAIKUM WARAHMATULLAHI WABARAKAATUH AHLAN WASAHLAN WA MARHABAN BIKUM. 
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disebabkan blog ini sort of my diary,, only sort of,, not really actually,,, i want to write about my crying day,,, my crying day is everyday,,, yeah,,, i do not restrict the day i am allowed to cry and day i am not allowed to shed tears,, when my eyes want to release the burden of holding the tears,, then,, it will simply roll down my cheeks,,,, nothing can stop them,,, including me myself

the most number of crying sessions i had before was because of mz la,,, hehe,, when he said he had a bad headache... i cry,,, when he scolded me because of my own faults i cried,,, when he did not want to trouble myself to give him present for his birthday,,, i cried,, see???? everything is my fault,, none was his fault,, aku marah-marah,, bentak-bentak,, cakap benci sana-sini,,, but still he said,, being sensitive is normal,, we cant change the fitrah,, just be yourself,, i dont want to listen to "tak nak sensitive dah" anymore... see??? how different he is from others,,, that is why i cant lose him,,, i just cant,,, say what you want,,, i cant,,,

during the time i study here,, a lot of tears already wasted... among those things yang aku ingat that made me cry to hell is when i was accused of stealing,,, actually,, it was not me accused but my friend,, but because of our friendship,, i regarded myself as accused person too... it was so hurtful because,, i was accused by a person who once i considered a friend of mine,,, not anymore,,, she is nobody in my brain, my heart, my limpa and my usus,,, then,,, i cried,,, cried as my friend was accused,,, me also,,, i dont know,, but for sure,, it hurt deeply,,, btw,,, i am a doctor's daughter,, i dont have to steal,,, i ask and i get,,, as simple as that as for YOU to know,, sorry,, i really have to boast for this entry,,,, a lot of sorry.

next why i cried,,,??? i cried when i watche THE MOON THAT EMBRACES THE SUN,, a korean drama,, have you watched it???? if your hobby is crying,,,, same as me,, you should,,, because even my friends who i consider them of having strong and stern heart, cried with the hingus meleleh-leleh,, same goes with me too,,, it was so sad and touching to see a small young beautiful brillian intelligent girl like her die,, who is her??? you should watch the drama then you know,,, i love to make you all suspen even though me myself dont like suspense and surprises,, how irony it is right?

then,, we move on,,, mm,,, what made me cry,,, haaa,, once i cried because of boredom and sleeping another place bla bla bla that i cannot mention the true story here,,, it will somebody's feeling. it is not that the person who made me cry was guilty,, no,,, no... no.... it was my fault,, my weakness of being unable to accept criticisms with open heart,,, yeah,, i should accept that in this world not everybody would love us,, even we dont love everybody bak kata hanis zalikha,,, so,, it is not that when i cry,, i am innocent and he or she is the criminal,, hehehe,, it is truely not like that,, it is just me,, being sensitive is my blood and soul,, that is why i cry,,,

the latest cause of me crying,,, my beloved friend,, just wanting to joke around with me,, yeah,, i know,, i truly honestly know his or her intention,, but still it hurts deeply,,, very deeply that my eyes burst with tears,, i tried to hold them,, but,, my eyes are stubborn just like their owner,,, i am so sorry for having this miserable weakness in me,,, maybe because i never expect him or her to joke about things like that,,, i am very sensitive that i cant bear to listen to people calling me crazy, stupid, nggo, bodoh, ngok, bongok, bengong, ba*i, anj***, i cant,, i just cant,, sorry,,, i am not a type of person that can accept such words to describe me. sorry,,, because,, i am tooooooo sensitive with such words,, yes,,, you can erase me from you list of friends,, because,, i am sensitive,,,,

ps- sape2 yang ada ubat nak suh aku tak de perasaan sensitive ni,, insya ALLAH seribu pun aku beli,,, sebab orang yang buat kite terasa itu berdosa,, tapi,, kita yang terasa dengan mereka ini lebih-lebih lagi berdosa,, kerana ALLAH menghantar mereka yang buat kita terasa itu supaya kita sedar.

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