Thursday, April 19, 2012

you should not do that,,, because it hurts

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aku tulis entry ni khas untuk my 'kawan',, i know when he reads this entry,,, he will know that this entry is specially written for him,, oppss,,,, it is a 'he'... there goes my secret.

you should not do that when i have already told you that i don't like what you do,,,, maybe you think that it is ok to treat me like you treat your best girl friend,, but,,, i want you to remember that i am not her,,, i am not not to be able to just give the humiliations back to you the instance you humiliate her,,, i am not her,,,even i dont regard you as my close friend,, so,,, stop pretending like you are my friend,, you are not even 1000 miles  close to become my friend,, and yet,, you are behaving as my good friend by humiliating me all the time,,, i know you hate me,,, with no reason,,,, dont you think that it is worthless for hating such invaluable girl like me,,, it only adds to the black dots in your heart.

yes,,, i am not a really open-minded girl,,, i am not really a open-hearted girl,,, i already admit,,, many many and many time,, i am a sensitive one,,, it hurts me when i feel humiliated and yet i don't know how to slash you back,,, because,,, talking back to friends is not me,, maybe it is okay for you to do it to your other open-minded, happy-go-lucky friends,,, but not me,,,, NOT ME.... yeahh,, i know i am very really much weak when it comes to friendship,,, and i know that is the reason of back stabbings and head steppings in my life,,, i wonder,,, is it a friendship we are having right now????? i should think of the name from now on,,, a new type of relationship i guess,,, because,,, sincerely,,, i doubt that i ever regard you as my friend in my life.

you now what my 'friend',, upps,,, it is a word in a bracket,,, to show double meaning i guess,,, it is not humour to bad mouth people,,,, as you yourself is not that perfect,,,, yes,,, you are considered 'handicapped' too in certain things,, i loathe it when you use other people's gestures, habits, behaviors, physical, just to make people laugh,,, when people do laugh,, it still does not mean that,, it is funny,,, it might turns out that you are actually humiliating,,,, degrading YOURSELF.

my umi once told me,,, not only her actually,,, lots and lots of people have told me that,,, people who have very low self-esteem,,, very weak to compete with others,,,, will have to degrade others just to lift their hierarchy (sort of) up,,,, but they are actually unconscious that they are actually


TQ,,, with love,, the lady warrior.

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